Sunday, June 25, 2017

My Uncertainty and Writing Struggles

From February 2016 all the way to today, I've been writing so much. The thing is I don't truly feel accomplished. It's probably because most of the world doesn't even know I exist or that I even write. You get to this place of uncertainty wondering if you should continue doing what you love to do. I've finally figured out my purpose in life and now here I am questioning if this is even worth it anymore.

You start to question how much time do I spend trying to get myself out to the world and what's worth spending money on and what isn't. I've spent money on so many things and a lot of my investments have been a waste of time.

With 5 books published, another 3 books written and ready for publication, a screenplay script completed with another one almost done, I should feel accomplished, right? Well...no I don't, even with me recently being published in a magazine for authors. I guess the thing for me is, I don't feel like wasting years of my life to be noticed for my talent and abilities. So maybe I want some notoriety now because the reality is, tomorrow isn't guaranteed and the real truth is we're all going to die eventually, we just don't know when.

People tell you to write because you love it. I do love it but I don't want to be writing the rest of my life while working some Corporate America job that I'm not supposed to be working in at all. Then comes the question of when do I quit and walk away from the stable full-time job I'm bored from with medical benefits that I barely pay into as my job pays more toward it.

These are the conundrums that people face when they have a passion for something but feel stuck in a rut. The main reason for me writing this post is to share my reality and my truths of what I deal with and go through on a regular basis. I've realized that too many of my previous posts were all too positive and uplifting, now it is time to talk about my struggles.

My book sales aren't that high, I can't get an agent to represent me for my screenplay and I'm mentally tired from my job. My writing should be my career and that's what I should be able to focus on every single day of my life. Honestly, I have no motivation to do it most days and it shouldn't be this much of  a struggle. I can't be walking in a dark tunnel forever because that does no justice for me. There needs to be a glimmer of light that shines.

Who knows when I'll take that leap of faith and just not care anymore about stability. Maybe my life needs to be a little crazy before stability settles in with my writing. Maybe I need to just pack my bags and move to Los Angeles like I've been wanting to for so long.

My social media pages are where you can find me:

Instagram Page
Facebook Page
Author Profile Page
Amazon Author Page
YouTube Page

Be good everyone,

Jamell Crouthers
Aquarianmind

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